StoryTime with Borderline Personality Disorder
Yes, it’s okay and a smart decision on your part. I’m going to assume you’ve never been in treatment. I’m going to explain why you should NEVER date people if you suffer from bpd and don’t get into targeted therapy.
BPD is a severe mental illness, it’s not a little thing. There are 9 major symptoms for BPD. You need a minimum of 5 of those symptoms just to get diagnosed. We call the symptoms maladaptive behaviors of a repetition compulsion cycle. That’s a fancy way of saying “toxic impulsive behaviors that you repeat over and over.” The reason I’m assuming you’ve never been in targeted therapy is there seems to be a lack of knowledge about what bpd is, and why it’s so damaging.
Borderline personality disorder was originally coined that name because the person suffering from it lives on the border of neurosis and psychosis (fantasy and a complete break from reality). To borderlines feelings are facts and they are completely controlled by their impulses. A borderline is someone who never created an identity (no sense of self), is extremely emotionally unstable, and is always looking for someone to love. The primary goal of all borderlines is to run from uncomfortable feelings while simultaneously running towards a “favorite person” who will love them perfectly. A pwbpd wants to live in a consistent state of infatuation which is called limerence. It’s their need for another person to regulate their emotions, help them soothe, create a facade/ mirror the person, find emotional stability, and be consumed by loving feelings that make them so toxic and volatile. Those things need to be created on your own and ever to assume another person should/ could do those things for you shows how serious the mental illness is.
you’ll see a pattern of behaviors in BPD romantic relationships. It always starts with the idealization phase in which the PWBPD places their new Romantic interest on a pedestal. The borderline creates a fantasy in their mind of this “favorite person” being a flawless perfect person who will love them perfectly and completely making everything finally all better. Unfortunately, that will never happen. The pwbpd has a very serious mental illness and being terrified of intimacy along with a major fear of abandonment and engulfment will always hijack the relationship. During the idealization phase, the favorite person will do or say something that breaks the fantasy that the pwbpd is projecting onto them. When the borderline realizes this isn’t a perfect person whose love will save them they start a devaluation cycle. The pwbpd will look for reasons to devalue their partner because they feel mislead even though they are often the ones who instigated the relationship. Sooner or later this leads to splitting which is the ability to go from loving to hating someone in a split second. Usually, when a pwbpd splits it’s over something superficial, inaccurate, or completely made up (the pwbpd believes it’s real, but it might not be). Remember feelings are facts to an untreated borderline. If they feel their partner has mistreated and misled them then in their mind THEY HAVE. After splitting things just get worse with false allegations, smear campaigns, or demonizing ex-partners to anyone who will listen.
BPD is possibly one of the worst mental illnesses because it causes so much damage. The one thing that the borderline wants (love & intimacy) is the one thing that causes them to explode. Pwbpd are basically love addicts yet the moment they get what they want they destroy it. I hope you realize how serious BPD is; and how toxic/ destructive it can be towards others and yourself. Please please please just seek targeted therapy (DBT and schema work well). No matter what YOU SHOULD NOT ever date someone until you get your symptoms under control. I’ve personally never met a pwbpd who was able to get HEALTHY stability without significant (7–10 years) targeted therapy. If anything, most borderlines eventually find a codependent partner with just as many issues. Someone who they can mistreat forever who will never leave them because of their major dependency problems and they assume that means they’ve healed. I know borderlines suffer horribly which is tragic. One thing they always seem to minimize or overlook is how severely they damage other people. Most ex-partners need long term treatment and end up extremely damaged with CPTSD/PTSD/ depression and major codependency with dependency issues. Try to think of a PWBPD who dates and is untreated as a wrecking ball smashing into anyone and everyone who gets near them because that’s what’s happening. I know it’s not intentional, but you have a choice to date, remain single, or get targeted therapy. If you choose to keep dating when you know you are mentally ill and toxic you’re consciously choosing to drag innocent people into your problems and abuse them. I’ve never met a single ex-partner of a borderline who wasn’t severely traumatized by what they experienced with the pwbpd. By staying single and getting treatment not only are you protecting others, but you’re giving yourself an opportunity to heal and to be happy. At the end of the day, your goal should be happiness and health, not feeding your illnesses by being fulfilled temporarily by others.